The Poor Man of Toggenburg - Autobiography of Ulrich Bräker

Next spring the question was: what to do with all these lads? Jakob and Jörg were assigned to the powder-making, I to the saltpetre-boiling. For this work my father gave me as my assistant a certain Uli M., a coarse but upright and honest man who had once been a soldier, he had learnt the trade from his father, whose profession had brought him to a wretched end enough, for he fell into a boiling saltpetre-kettle. So we two Ulis began our work together in March 1755, in the Schamatten. As we worked we had many conversations which M. - purposely, as I afterwards discovered, and perhaps even at my father's instigation - often led by some roundabout way to the subject of marriage, and finally recommended to me as a wife a certain spinster, no longer young, who greatly pleased my parents, particularly my father, by her years of discretion and quiet demeanour. To please them I treated this Ursel - that was her name - to a glass of wine on a few occasions. Friend Uli spoke in terms of the highest esteem of this lady's visage, which was like unto Esau's

- which he had as he himself admitted caressed ten years ago. I found little to charm me in her company, that is already clear. An hour with her seemed like half the night, however kindly she behaved towards me, indeed the kinder she was the worse I felt. She was well-dressed enough, but comparing her with Ännchen was like comparing night with day.

One day at this time I met with Ännchen on the road and bitterly did she jeer at me: "Fie, Uli! What a hairy face, skin of a polecat, what a dancing-bear! Nobody shall come within a stone's throw of me again, after rolling in muck like that! Pooh, how you stink!" This struck me to the heart, I felt that Ännchen was in the right, but it vexed me all the same. So I smothered my lack of spirit, gave a forced laugh and said: "Very well, Ännchen! Next time I'll explain everything!" and with that we parted. It was hardly twenty-four hours after this that I made a formal leavetaking from my grey-haired Ursel. She looked sorrowfully after me and called more than once: "Is there no more to be done? Am I too old for you, or not pretty enough? Come once more". But I stuck to my word.

On the next fair-day, when Ännchen and I met with one another again, she saw that I was drinking alone. She approached me in a friendly manner, and invited me to her home for the evening. Full of rapture I hastened thither, and soon observed that I was once more very welcome, although the sly lass renewed her bitter recriminations on the subject of Ursel. I told her every particular of all that had passed between us. She seemed satisfied. This made me bolder, I ventured for the first time an attempt to clasp her to my bosom and kiss her. But damn it, the next thing was: "So! Who taught you that? The old scarecrow, to be sure. Go, go away, go sit in a bathtub and get rid of the dirt." I: "Ah, sweetheart, I beg of you, don't be awkward with me, I loved you all the while, and the longer I love you the more I love you. So let me - just this once!" She: "To be sure, no! Not for the world! Go away, go to the old simpleton who showed you how!" I: "O, Ännchen, dearest, come, let me! For a long time now I've been wishing that you - alas, God help me!" She: "Let me go, please let me go! You shall not. Not this time, anyway." At last she said, smiling sweetly, "Next time you come". But three times, when I again came to visit her, the artful girl played the same trick. That's how these sly creatures teach ignorant boys.

At last the longed-for moment came. "Ännchen, Ännchen, dearest Ännchen! Can't you bring yourself to it? Don't I love you from the bottom of my heart? Shall I not kiss your pretty lips just once? Come, you'll allow it, won't you? I can't wait any longer, I would rather keep away from you altogether." At this she pressed my hand kindly, but said once more: "Well, to be sure, the next time you come!" Here my patience began to run out, I became wild and impudent. She for her part was frightened, I believe, that I should do her harm, she tried to go on teasing me and prattled on in her delightful way, then suddenly tears came into her eyes and she became as gentle as a dove. "Yes", she said, "it's true that you have endured the test. I wanted you to pay for

Genesis 27, v 11. [Bräker is implying that Ursel had an unfeminine amount of facial hair.]