- 161 -

On the subject of Ännchen, his first love, he decides to say little:

"[...] I fear that I might - not sin, but cause scandal, and a voice calls to me in secret: "You vain old fellow! Put your house in order, for you must die". The person concerned still lives as well and lively as myself, and a little feeling of happiness creeps into my heart whenever I see her, though I can say in all truth that she has now lost all especial charm for me."

This conflicts with reports quoted by Voellmy (v 1 p 375) that there was considerable ill-feeling between Salome Bräker and Ännchen, the latter is said to have jeered at the former at every opportunity. Bräker himself writes as if he and Ännchen were always on good terms.

[Though one can believe Bräker's account of his dealings with women as far as it goes, his behaviour often seems callous and self-deceiving to a modern reader. Even his use of language betrays the attitudes of his society - women are "foolish little things", "creatures", not people.]

Recalling his life in Wattwil he makes it clear that even before he left home he had a great liking for new places and new company, and that he was already acquiring the skills of making himself agreeable, "though I had not an ounce of genuine cleverness or solid learning, however well I was able to make pretty speeches on all subjects"

"I have never set much store by my own face and person, though I had some success with the sweet foolish little things, and some of them were even so careless as to tell me that I was one of the handsomest of lads. Even in the days when my garments were only three in number: a leather cap, a dirty shirt and a pair of coarse cloth breeches, even the neatest-turned-out young lass was not ashamed to be seen flirting with me for hours at a time".

[Existing portraits of Bräker all date from his later life, so we do not know what he looked like in his youth. A portrait of his son Johannes also exists; he might resemble his father if we discount the rather gormless expression. Probably Bräker's attraction for women derived chiefly from his lively conversation rather than his looks.]

Even when he had left home and during his adventures with Markoni and the Prussian army, however, he was held back from sexual adventures by natural modesty and the strict moral code of his upbringing:

"Indeed, my conscience was so tender on this point, that I often, when it was too late, reproached myself for timidity and longed to have this or that opportune moment back again. But when the chance came again in reality, and everything was almost ready for pleasure, a shudder would run through all my limbs and I would draw back trembling, and either dismiss my partner with kind words or quietly make my escape. During my travels as far as Berlin, except for one single bedding, I left as I had come. In that great city I had no wish so much as to lay a finger on any of the common women. On the other hand I will not conceal the fact that my unbridled imagination sometimes brooded upon the splendid ladies and mlles."

[There is no certain identification of the woman referred to here, but she could well have been Mariane, the cook-maid at Rottweil.]

On his return from Prussia, when he began to seek in earnest for a wife, the same wish to find a match with a woman from a higher class persisted:

"My outward appearance had improved considerably. I did not slouch about, but bore myself upright. The uniform that was my only property and a fine haircut, which I well knew how to keep, gave my person an appearance such that poor young wenches at least opened their eyes wide. Young women of means - O, not they, no indeed! - they cast no glances at a poor deserted soldier. Their mothers would have swept out that notion pretty thoroughly. And yet, if I had acted with a little more cunning and forethought, I might have been so lucky as to catch as fairly


Contents