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He does not give any reason for beginning the diary, but it would have an obvious use as a storehouse for material for his "Buchlin". Writing a diary was in any case a very fashionable activity in the 18th century, in keeping with the developing interest in the thoughts and feelings of individuals. In Bräker's case another strong motive might be the need to confide to himself and his "good genius" the emotional and economic difficulties which he did not dare reveal to any of his family or neighbours. In later years, however, even when still writing only for himself, he continually changes his mind about the purpose of the diary, and makes new resolutions about what he will or will not record in it. This ambivalence was never resolved, indeed it increases when, in later years, it became possible that his writings would be read by the general public.
For the years where Bräker's diary and autobiography overlap, I have placed the text of the autobiography first, followed by the diary extracts for that year.
Omissions made by Voellmy and other previous editors are indicated by (...), my own are indicated by [...]. There is no indication where whole entries have been omitted.
*************************************************************************************************************1768 aged 32
It should be noted that Bräker's thirty-second birthday occurred in 1767, but since he was born very late in the year (22nd December), I have given the age that he was for all but the last nine days of 1768, and so on for later years
Voellmy's extracts begin with a sermon on the Lord's Prayer, dated "1768-69", it opens thus:
"It is now in my mind, my dear children, to make a little memorandum for you on the holy Our Father, the most powerful, wonderful and beautiful prayer, which we have learned from the mouth of our blessed Saviour himself and is the seed of all other prayers. Already I have often felt heavy at heart when I have considered how much this loved and precious prayer, which is full of comfort and life, has become so much of a habit, how often it is misused, yes, often made a subject of jesting. Although it is still sometimes prayed in earnest, yet so many thousand more times it is rattled through in a shameful manner, without consideration of how, what and for what one is praying, so no wonder that it produces no hearing. [...] [Voellmy, v 2 p 137]
1769 aged 33
As early as the following year, however, Bräker sounds more sincere, sharing his own shortcomings with his audience.
"Now it remains to me, my children, to speak a word of warning about books which are known to me or actually in my possession. Not that I have known or read the best of them. No, for there must be still many hundreds of fine books and writings which I have neither read nor even seen, which equally enlightened men have written. But I can well say that I know the best and most excellent book of all, namely the holy Scripture, the Bible, the foundation of all other good books. [...] I have indeed been a great lover of books all my life, but I have rejected and hated the bad ones and loved the good ones. Not that I have not also been seduced by vain and worthless books. But I have always come to recognise the harm done by them [...] For that reason I will also earnestly have you warned, my dear children, against such heathenish, yes, devilish books. They are: love stories of the romantically devised sort, tales of whoredom, love-songs and obscene songs, all false and godless tales and poetry, all black arts and books about sorcery or the devil, all satirical, calumnious or scurrilous writings about other classes or individuals.
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