The Poor Man of Toggenburg - Autobiography of Ulrich Bräker

time I was truly downhearted, and to no-one could I reveal the whole of my distress. In the daytime I went about like the shadow on the wall, at night I leaned on my window-sill gazing up at the moon, weeping and addressing to it my complaint of bitter misery:

"You who look down on the Tockenburg too, tell my people at home how pitiable is my state, tell my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, my Ännchen, how I long for them, how faithful I am to her, so that they may all pray to God for me. But you are so silent, you go so innocently on your way? Would that I were a bird and could fly after you to my homeland! Poor heedless fellow that I am! God have mercy on me! I meant to make my fortune and have made nothing but wretchedness for myself! What good to me is this splendid city, where I am pining away? Yes, if I had my dear ones here, and a fine little house like that one over the way, if I were not compelled to be a soldier, then it would be a fine thing to dwell here; then I would work, trade, economise and never go back home! But no, for then I would have the sufferings of so many other poor souls always before my eyes! No, my dear beloved Tockenburg, you will always be to me the best of all! But alas! Perhaps I shall never see you again in my life, and lose even the small comfort of writing from time to time to those dear ones who dwell there! For everyone tells me that when we go on campaign it will be impossible to send so much as a line to unburden my heart. Yet, who knows? My good father in heaven lives still, He knows that I did not choose to enter this slavery by intention or from wantonness, but evil men deceived me. Ah! if all else fails - but no! I will not desert, better to die than run the gauntlet. And then, things may change. Six years will one day be over. A long, long time indeed; and suppose it were true that I shall not be discharged even then? What if I should not? Have I not a contract, was it not indeed forced upon me? - Ah! They should have to kill me first! The King should hear of it! I would run after his coach, cling to it till he granted me a hearing, and then I should tell him what is in my papers. And Frederick the just would not be unjust to me alone". So ran my soliloquies in those days.

In these circumstances Schärer and I foregathered in haste whenever we could, to bewail and discuss our lot, to make decisions and then unmake them. Schärer showed more steadfastness than I, but he had more money, Now, like so many others, I was spending my last dreier on gin, to drive away my sorrows. A man from Mecklenburg

, who lodged near me, and was in the same situation, did likewise. But he, when the drink had gone to his head, would sit in front of the house in the twilight, cursing and uttering nonsense all alone, miscalling his officers and even the King, wishing all manner of evil upon Berlin and upon the heads of all people of Brandenburg, and in this senseless railing, (so the poor devil insisted when he was sober again), found his only comfort in misfortune. Wolfram and Meewis would often caution him, for not long before this he had always been a right kindly and sociable fellow. "Man", they would say to him, "you'll end up, for sure, in the madhouse."

The madhouse was not far distant from us. I often saw there a soldier sitting upon a bench in front of the railings, and one day I asked Meewis who he might be, for I had never seen him in our ranks. "Just such a one as him from Mecklenburg", answered Meewis, "so they put him away here, and at first he would bellow like a Hungarian bull. But after a few weeks, they say, he is as meek as any lamb." This description made me curious to be better acquainted with the man. He was from Anspach

. At first I only walked up and down before him, not seeming to notice him, and I saw with a feeling of wistful pleasure how he sat there in his melancholy, gazing now up to the heavens, now down upon the ground, and from time to time smiled quietly to himself, appearing not to observe my presence. From his physiognomy alone such a man in his situation would have seemed to me worthy of veneration. At last I ventured to sit down beside him. He looked at me fixedly and earnestly, and spoke to me at first in many words which for the most