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19. Companions:

At times my father made cheese from the goats' milk, at other times he reared calves on it and used their dung to improve his fields. This so pleased some of our neighbours that four of them acquired goats of their own, and asked the monastery for permission to herd them in the Kohlwald. And so now I had companions. The three or four of us goat-boys met together every day. I will not say whether I was the best or the worst among them, but I was certainly a perfect simpleton compared to the others, except for one, who was a good little lad. But the others, alas, did not set us a good example. I became a little wiser, but also less innocent. And my father was not pleased to see me idling about in their company, and told me that I should rather stay by myself and drive my flock every day to a different spot from theirs. But their society was too novel and agreeable to me, and even if I did follow his advice of a morning, if I heard the others whoop and call, it was as if they pulled me by my clothes until I reached them. At times a quarrel would break out, then the next morning I would stay alone or with good little Jakob; from him I seldom heard bad words, but the others gave me more diversion.

I could have herded the goats on my own for many years longer, ere I would have become aware of one-tenth of what I then learnt in a very short time. They were all bigger and older than I, great louts almost full-grown, in whom all the evil passions had been awakened. Their talk was all dirty jesting and all their songs indecent; as I listened I often stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed, but often, too, my eyes were downcast and I blushed for shame. The pastimes that I had pursued till then made them split their sides with laughing. Woodcarving and young birds were of no interest to them, except when they thought to make money out of them, otherwise they were thrown away and the nests as well. At first this made me sad, but soon I was doing the same. On the other hand they could not so quickly persuade me to go bathing in shameless nakedness as they did. One in particular was truly depraved, yet neither quarrelsome nor overbearing, and so all the more likely to deprave others. Another was always on the lookout for anything by which he might earn a batz, so he was more fond of the birds than were the others, but especially those birds that can be eaten, he also sought out all kinds of herbs, resin, tinder and suchlike. From him I learnt knowledge of many kinds of plants, but also the meaning of greed. Another of them was somewhat better than the worst of them, he did as they did, but in fear. [...]

20. Strange new thoughts and an end to goat-herding:

I denied myself all kinds of pleasure and, for example, I had a long struggle with myself concerning a goldfinch of mine, of which I was very fond, as to whether I should give it away or keep it. Over this one bird I pondered often and earnestly. At times the way of piety, as I then imagined it, seemed to me like an inaccessible height, at other times it seemed as light as a feather. I wished to love my brothers and sisters in all sincerity, but the more I tried to do so, the more I saw only their unattractive qualities. In short, I could see neither whence I had come nor where I was going, and there was no-one who could help me out, for I did not reveal my state of mind to anyone. My every action became to me a sin: even laughing, shouting, whistling. My goats should no longer provoke me to anger, yet I was vexed at them all the sooner. [...] At times

13

This was probably a writing of the Pietist Johann Tennhardt (1678-1747). [Voellmy, v 1 p 374].

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