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attending to my condition exactly as I wish. And not only that. Each time a small gift must be enclosed.
11th Aug. Alas, how weak I am! A cutting pain in my throat, the unrelenting cough is taking all my strength away. In the morning I feel far weaker than in the evening, because the cough allows me only a short and broken time for rest. O sweet sleep, will it not be my portion for a few more nights before my end? Good Genius, surely thou hast not forsaken me yet. O send this blessing again upon the once so plagued son of earth. But Nature is inexorable. She avenges herself with all her force when man has once sinned against her." [Voellmy, v 2 p 355]
[Bräker was a heavy smoker and a fairly heavy drinker; he knew that excess in drinking was harmful, but he could not have known of the dangers of smoking, which may well have caused his death. One might also suspect that his strong constitution was further undermined by over-exposure to bad weather, over-exertion and possibly undernourishment in his later years, and severe mental stress.]
12th Aug. "Busied myself today with writing letters. For it is beginning to go hard with me. I have written first to my friend Grob, relating to him something of my circumstances, and asking him to put in a good word for me in various houses, to obtain some support for me. For my expenses are always higher than I reckoned, and to my dearest Herr Girtanner, God knows, I must not always be applying, when he has done so superabundantly well for me. Now, already on the third day I received a letter and a louis d'or from my friend Grob, with the assurance that more will follow shortly.
13th Aug. O, now I have received a whole packet of thalers from my friend Grob, from the house in Gonzenbach, collected by the family. God, what kindness! I hardly knew where I was and what I could say. I did not know that I still had so many people well disposed towards me.
14th Aug. Yesterday there came to me at the same time a whole boxful of necessary things, sweet things from my only friend. Alas, the expenses are so high and the income is nothing except these. I may have need of many things, and if there should be enough left over to pay my burial expenses, or even a few thalers for my good old wife, "how happy she would be!" [Voellmy, v 2 pp 355-356]
***********************************************************************************************************This was Bräker's last entry. Girtanner wrote three more letters to him, sent on 17th and 29th August and 7th September, but he states in his own diary that Bräker had not been able to read the last one. He records Bräker's funeral on 11th September, but it is not known exactly when Bräker died. (The 11th is given as the day of his death by Böning and all editors except the Chronik [p 468].) Girtanner was not present at his death, and probably not at the funeral, but he records his sorrow at losing a valued friend, and promises to keep carefully Bräker's diary, sent to him a week previously.
Girtanner wrote two letters in 1798 to Bräker's younger daughter Anna Maria, and up till 1809 occasionally sent the family money and other material help. He himself lived on till 1844 but suffered from very poor sight for many years before his death. [Chronik, p 468].
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