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little, for I took so small a share of your burden. Perhaps then your secret curse rests upon me? - O horror! -well, however that may be, one day the decision must be taken: either my wretched life - no! O God! no, that remains in Thy hands - or to throw myself at the feet of my creditors to deal with me as they please. But no, O how hard that would be! I cannot possibly do it. Or to leave home, run away to some far distant land. Alas, my children! That would break my heart". As I rambled thus I thought of the philanthropist Lavater107
, and in that very moment I decided to write to him, rose from my bed at once and drafted the following letter, which I append as a memorial of my condition at the time."108
He knows that I have no intention to trouble you, other than to ask you to read these lines and give me your fatherly advice [...]""... once more, for the sake of God and his mercies, Herr Lavater! I ask only for fatherly advice! forgive me this boldness. Necessity makes for impudence. And in my homeland I may not for the world reveal this to a living soul. Friends who might be able to save me, I have none; only a few who would be more likely to expect help from me; but to subject myself to the jests of half-friends or strangers - no! I would a thousand times prefer to endure all extremity. - And now, in longing eager anticipation and childlike trust, awaiting only a sentence in reply from the only man in whom my soul still hopes, I am: one who lies in the last straits of wretchedness, a poor tormented Tockenburger, Ulrich Bräker."
Johann Caspar Lavater:
Johann Caspar Lavater was born in Zürich in 1741, the son of a doctor. From an early age he was full of religious zeal; when at his school the pupils were asked to consider the (Protestant) priesthood as a career, Lavater volunteered on the spot, which earned him a severe ticking-off from his parents for not consulting them first. He spent all his life as a pastor in Zürich, never allowing his fame, or his many literary, scientific and political activities, to disrupt his care of his flock or his preaching. In 1762 he was one of a group of young theologians, led by his friend Johann Jacob Hess, who had dedicated themselves to fighting political corruption. They succeeded in inducing the city government to sack the governor of the district of Gröningen, Felix Grebel, who had been abusing his powers and oppressing his subjects since 1756. Lavater wrote and published accusations against Grebel, so effectively worded that the group achieved their aim even though Grebel was the son-in-law of the Zürich Burgomeister (equivalent of a Lord Mayor). The members of the group were reproved by the authorities but not punished. Lavater, together with Hess and Heinrich Füssli (who later became a painter and moved to London) went on the Grand Tour in the following year.
107
[Johann Caspar Lavater, a pastor in Zürich.] Bräker then quotes the whole of his letter as chapter 74 of the autobiography. It is a very long letter - more than five pages of Voellmy's edition. The following extracts are taken from its opening and conclusion.
108
This sentence appears in one of Lavater's early sermons, concerning Christian attitudes to the poor. The sermon was printed and it is possible that Bräker had read it, but one cannot be sure whether or not he used it deliberately.
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