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no, not so," another voice was raised inwardly, "but take wife and children, seek out some spot where the cotton trade does not yet flourish and where people would be pleased to see it set up, there you might make your fortune; for you understand the raw material as well as the yarn - you can yourself card, comb, and spin the one, and boil, wind and warp the other - you are even capable of making a spinning wheel and a distaff - and so to teach the whole business to other people. Then after a few years you can come home rich and respected to your homeland, pay off your debts - capital and interest!"106
as well? What, should I now scorn the land of my birth, disdain the bread it has given me? No, no! in your bosom I will live and die, hope for the best, do what I can, and for the rest let Heaven direct. Am I not perhaps imagining my affairs are in a worse state than they are? God, if only my sins tormented me as much as my debts! But I know that Thou art not as severe as man. But let them do their worst, I have deserved it. I ask only, divine Goodness, let me no longer be tormented by that evil Enemy, not be tempted above my power to resist!" So from time to time I was again of good courage and steadfastness. But that would last no longer than the arrival of another blow, when I again could not avert from myself the thought: Now I'm done for! There grows no herb for a disease that cannot be cured. But even then I felt it more in my imagination than in reality..."15th Apr. From Füssli: " For a long time in my tumultuous youth I could not understand the pure pleasure and great happiness that wise men, especially great poets, have described so beautifully concerning the works of nature, or rather of its gracious creator. Now, as one who has recovered from madness, I agree with them; when everyone is rushing off to the Easter fair I sit quietly and cheerfully in my house, happy to be with my own people, and when I have finished a reasonable amount of work, on these beautiful spring days I go with my little children to a meadow nearby, to pluck the first of the flowers." [Chronik, p 130]
[But, less than a week later...]
21st Apr. "So this lovely, pleasant week is gone! But it will continue for a long time in my thoughts. My health was not so good, and there was a fair amount of work to do. But what prevents me from feeling the charm of nature as it renews itself? These short pauses are only all the sweeter, and more lovely the rays of the life-giving sun, which penetrated even to me in my weaving-cellar!" [Chronik, p 130]
22nd July Together with Gregor Grob and Johann Jakob Stadler, Bräker is enrolled into the Moral Society. The proposal for accepting him describes him as "an outstanding lover of reading and a friend of the pure and applied sciences".Only three essays had been received for all the subjects set! [Chronik, p 132] Gregor Grob (1754-1824) was a clergyman and house tutor in the home of David von Gonzenbach of St. Gallen. Later he introduced Bräker to the small group of Enlightenment thinkers in St. Gallen. He also edited Ambühl's poetry and wrote his biography.
106
Bräker was very patriotic and may well have thought that leaving his homeland would be wrong as well as foolish, but I think that here he is saying that if he decamped his enemies would be sure to think he was trying to avoid the law. The Chronik (p 126) quotes Füssli as saying that in the preceding year Bräker had thoughts of emigrating to America, but changed his mind after reading "Abschiedsrede denen nach dem berühmten Carolina Abfahrenden" - "Farewell speech to all those departing for the famous land of Carolina" by Samuel Lutz - published in 1735 so hardly up to date!
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